colors of the sky
by suicidebycyanide
Summary: Seventeen year old Lindsey Baxter lives alone with her four week old son. Struggling to make ends meet as well as going to school, Lindsey finds herself drawn to Dixon a man from her past. He gives her what she wants but at what cost? - —Karen/OC. / mentions of prostitution, self-harm and violence.
1. CHAPTER I

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><p><strong>COLORS OF THE SKY<strong>  
><em>I ran away today, ran from the noise.<em>

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><p>She'd been awake for the last hour, pacing up and down the living room trying to settle her baby boy. Lindsey sighed when he wouldn't settle, she wondered why. He'd been fed, winded, changed. She couldn't think of anything else that she needed to do, she paced the living room once more.<p>

"Come on baba, mama's got her new school in the morning," she knew the minute she'd given birth that it was going to be difficult. She was only seventeen herself and to go to school and raise a baby was going to be tough, especially on her own without the father around.

The street light crept through the crack in the curtain and Lindsey sat on the settee, her son in her arms. Eventually, what seemed like an eternity for Lindsey, her son settled and fell asleep in her arms. With a soft smile, she kissed the top of his head and placed him in his moses basket.

Putting her head on the arm of the settee, she fell asleep knowing it wouldn't be long until morning.

/

She was woken at six forty-five by Shane screaming the place down. She sighed deeply, exhausted after been up two hours previously feeding him. Walking to the moses basket, she picked him up and kissed his forehead before going into the kitchen.

Flicking the switch of the kettle, she poured some formula into a bottle and waited.

Lindsey bounced him up and down trying to get him to settle as he was screaming loudly at this point. She took a deep breath, relieved that she lived alone. God, she'd hate it if she still lived at home. Her father would kick the shit out of them both.

She flinched at the memories of the beatings she received at the hands of her father and how she'd managed to leave and carve a new life for herself. Yes okay, it wasn't the best. She didn't have much money and she lived in a bedsit but it was home. _Their _home.

Once the bottle was cool enough for Shane, she popped it into his mouth and he began to suckle. Once he'd finished feeding, she winded him and brought him into the bedroom. Lying him on the bed, she kept a close eye on him as she got ready for school.

Putting on her black pencil skirt and white blouse, she looked at her reflection in the mirror. She'd lost a lot of weight over the last couple of months, the shirt and the skirt a little too big for her body. She sighed, knowing it was the only thing she had to wear.

Putting on her school tie, she left it loose around her neck and began to do her hair. Running a brush through her hair, she stopped when Shane began to cry, obviously wanting some of his mother's attention.

With a sad smile, she lay down next to Shane and began to tickle his stomach; "hey baby, remember what we said? Mama's got to go to her new school, so we can get out of this place and be happy. Come on baby, just be quiet for a little longer."

She smiled when he settled to her words and she picked up the brush again. Running the brush through her hair, she put her hair in a high ponytail whilst deciding tonight she'd have to use the hot water to wash her hair.

Putting on her jacket, she picked Shane up and held him to her chest. As they walked back into the living room, she kissed his forehead and sat down, knowing they had ages until they had to leave for school.

/

Lindsey dropped Shane off at nursery for eight before heading to school for eight thirty. When she reached school, she stood on the steps for a moment and wondered if this was right. Here she was going back to school, getting an education when she could be working and earning.

She sighed deeply and turned around, walking into school. She followed her way to the head teacher's office and felt sick with nerves. It was always scary starting a new school, especially not long after the birth of your first child.

She sat down on the chairs outside the office. The school was quiet apart from a few groups of children chatting excitedly as they walked up the stairs near the office. She crossed one leg over the other and waited patiently. A few minutes later, the head teacher walked in and looked at Lindsey,

"It's Lindsey isn't it? Follow me."

Lindsey stood up, took another deep breath and followed Karen into the office. As the teacher gestured at the seat in front of the desk, she did just that. When Karen sat down in front of her, she felt terrified. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

"Were you waiting out there long?"

"No not long, only ten minutes or so." She smiled softly and fiddled with the ring around her finger. She appeared nervous and Karen was thinking of ways to make her feel at ease, school was daunting sometimes especially head teachers!

"It's going to be difficult to settle in, especially not long after having a baby but with the right support, I think you'll be okay. So welcome to Waterloo Road."

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><p><strong>jottings<strong> / if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	2. CHAPTER II

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><p><strong>CHAPTER TWO<strong>  
><em>where did I go wrong?<em>

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><p>Karen showed Lindsey around the school. It was massive and Lindsey wondered how she was going to cope in a school this size and been alone. They walked down the corridor that was now filled with students when Lindsey's eyes fell upon someone.<p>

She swallowed hard and stopped. She suddenly felt sick and Karen looked at the girl; "Are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Lindsey laughed nervously, "Yes Miss I'm fine, just a bit nervous that's all."

Karen nodded and Lindsey followed her into the hall. As she sat down at the back of the hall, her eyes fell upon Aiden. He caught her gaze and neither of them broke it for a second until she looked away, breaking it.

Of all the schools she could've gone too, she chose the same school as Aiden Scotcher. Aiden fricking Scotcher, she hadn't seen him in years. The hall began to fill with students and she crossed one leg over the other, eyes fixed on Karen as she began to welcome the students back after their break.

"Alright quieten down everybody please, thank you."

She noticed some of the other around her still whispering and smiled gently. Some things never changed in school, regardless of what year you were in.

"Now I'm sure you've all been desperate to get back to school after your holidays," a couple of kids laughed out loud before Karen continued; "but in future I would really you to wait until the doors were actually unlocked. I can understand one of you breaking out of school but in."

Lindsey couldn't help but laugh slightly, "I'm not going to stand here and lecture you on how disappointed I am or how much its going to count to replace. Instead I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt that no one here is anyway responsible for the break in this morning because I know Waterloo Road pupils aren't mindless vandals."

Lindsey crossed one leg over the other trying to get comfortable. She was getting tired of listening to Mrs Fisher rabbit on with herself. God, she'd forgotten how boring assemblies were;

"They take pride in their environment, they don't want to wreck it or spoil things for their fellow pupils. And I'm sure no one here wants to start of a new school term on a negative note. Now it's no secret that these are difficult times but we mustn't let that effect our outlook or our behaviour so this year we're going to focus on the positives. We're going to focus on what we do well because that's what this school is all about."

Something caught the corner of Lindsey's eye and she found a man stood outside. He gestured for Mrs Fisher to come over but she carried on; "And I know you're going to work very hard to help Waterloo Road go from strength to strength."

"Miss, someone's left a baby!"

The whole of the school stood up from their chairs and began to talk. Lindsey couldn't believe that she'd been here two minutes and there was already some sort of drama going on. She knew what kind of person would leave a baby, someone scared and frightened of the consequences of being a mother.

"Er excuse me, are you listening? All of you back in your seats and calm down," the voice of a male teacher bellowed over the noise of the crowd and they began to sit down. Lindsey hadn't stood up, she hadn't need too. What was so interesting about an abandoned baby?

The hall was dismissed not long after, the teachers telling everyone to head to their first lesson. Lindsey's first lesson of the day was English and as she walked in that direction, she heard a group of teenagers (who she later found to be in her year) discussing various explanations of how someone could have a sprog than dump it. Although the comments wound her up slightly, she ignored them. People who made judgements and assumptions on things were usually narrow minded.

She sat at the back of the classroom on the right hand corner when Mrs Fisher came in, "Whoever the mother is, I want her to know she can go to any member of staff without fear of judgement. We're really worried about her and want to help."

As she was talking, Lindsey noticed a girl in the middle row dipping her head. There was something odd about her, something she was trying to keep hidden. Perhaps the whole abandoned baby brought back some difficult memories for her. Lindsey told herself she'd keep an eye on her, she had too.

A siren broke the classes silence and again, some of the kids were out of their seats and looking out of the window. The young girl in the middle row looked pale and shocked at the police and asked; "What are they getting the police for?"

"Because a serious crime has been committed."

The same girl put her hand up asking to go to the toilet. As she was excused, Lindsey turned to the person sat next to her and asked about her name. Ally was her name. Lindsey then put her hand up, "Miss can I go to the toilet too?"

With a roll of the eye, Eleanor told her to be quick and she ran out of the door trying to catch up with Ally. That kid was in some serious trouble, Lindsey could smel the fear a mile off. It was the same fear she'd felt when she'd given birth to Shane alone and wasn't too sure what to do.

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><p><strong>jottings<strong> / if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	3. CHAPTER III

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><p><strong>CHAPTER THREE<strong>  
><em>she's all I want and I've waited.<em>

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><p>Lindsey couldn't find her and was about to return to the classroom when she heard the sound of a toilet flush on the ground floor. She slowly walked into the toilet and noticed the bloodied water all over the floor. Taking a deep breath, she stepped over the water and knocked on the door.<p>

"Ally? It is Ally right, I'm Lindsey."

There was nothing spoken on Ally's behalf and so Lindsey broke the silence between them, "He's your baby isn't he? You broke in here and you left him somewhere you knew he'd be safe. Nobody's angry with you Ally, they just need to know your okay."

Just silence, "I'm going to get Mrs Fisher okay?"

Still there was nothing and Lindsey took that as a silent acceptance to get Karen. As she turned around and walked out of the bathroom, she saw Karen walking towards her. With a sigh, she said gently; "Miss, thank god you're here!"

"What is it Lindsey?"

"It's Ally, Ally had the baby and she's in the bathroom. There's blood all over the floor and she won't answer me." Karen's eyes widened in shock and she walked into the bathroom. Knowing there was nothing else she could do she began to make her way back to her classroom.

Arriving back into the classroom to no teacher, she sat down at her seat and asked the guy next to her where the teacher was. He replied that Sam had told the teacher to shut up and she had to go to the cooler. She nodded her head and read the rules on the board for the next five minutes.

By the time Miss Chaudry had come back it was time for second lesson. The corridors were filled with excitement, everyone talking about Ally been the one to give birth and nobody knew or realised. Without looking she collided with someone in the corridor.

"Sorry," she apologised and looked up. Her eyes fell upon Aiden, her first love and the person she hated the most, "Oh its you."

He didn't speak, he couldn't take his eyes away from her; "Surprised it weren't you who knocked her up. You know seeing as you knock girls up and leave."

"He _isn't_ mine!"

"You're the only one _I_ slept with!"

"And the rest," he muttered underneath his breath. Unfortunately it wasn't quiet enough and Lindsey slapped him hard across the face. The sound of slapped flesh echoed around the corridor and she turned on her heels and walked away, quickly before she did something else she regretted.

She reached Mrs Fisher's office and knocked on the door. On the other side was Chris, Karen and a female police officer. Taking a deep breath she said gently; "I'm sorry to interrupt but is Ally okay?"

"Ally's fine thank you Lindsey."

"That's good, I mean, you know." She turned around and then looked back, "will you tell her that if she needs to talk I'm around. I know what she's feeling, how she's feeling so yeah, just tell her I'm here."

/

Lindsey was grateful to get home to Shane that night, glad when she left school at three thirty. She squeezed him tightly, kissing the top of his head tonnes of times and found herself becoming teary. For Ally to leave her baby must've been heart breaking.

She sat on the sofa and cuddled him. The more she thought of it her and Ally weren't that different. Both were seventeen, both had given birth and both attend Waterloo Road. The difference was that Lindsey kept her baby and left home, knowing the trauma that awaited her if she ever went home again.

She remembered how she felt when she found out she was pregnant, alone in the toilets in the middle of town, two lines on a white stick. Looking back she was glad she never had a termination, Shane brought too much joy into her life even if it was hard work to raise him.

The door bell rang and Lindsey frowned, she didn't usually get visitors. With Shane over her shoulder, she walked to the door and opened it. On her doorstep was the last person she expected to see.

"How did you find me?"

"Lucky guess I suppose," he smirked but she wasn't in the mood for his games. She was tired and she wanted to go to bed.

"Why are you here?"

"I've come to see him, our son."

Lindsey began to laugh. She stared him in the eye as she said; "I gave you a chance when I gave birth but you didn't want anything to do with him. You constantly doubt he's your son but he isn't. I was faithful to you because I loved you!"

She slammed the door closed in front of his face and marched back into the living room. Sitting on the settee, she kissed the top of Shane's head and cuddled him tightly whilst whispering; "We don't need daddy do we baby, no we don't, we just need each other."

After feeding him his bedtime bottle, she dressed him in a baby grow and placed him in his cot. She was relieved to have some time to herself, the night times she lived for when she wasn't attached to Shane. Running the hot water, she found the water to be running cold and sighed.

Approaching the meter that stood in the hallway, she pressed the button. Discovering she was out of gas, she opened her purse and sighed at the couple of pence she had left in her name. She figured that with no gas, she'd have to wash her hair with cold water which she did.

Lying in bed that night staring at the ceiling, she knew she had to do something about the situation she found herself to be in. With no money how would they cope with always been cold and running out of nappies and baby formula?

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><p><strong>jottings<strong> / if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	4. CHAPTER IV

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><p><strong>CHAPTER FOUR<strong>  
><em>come with me Friday,<em>

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><p>She didn't sleep much, spent the entire evening wondering what she was going to do. She was down to her last four nappies and the baby formula wasn't going to last long at the rate Shane was drinking it.<p>

She was out of options, there was nothing else she could do except ring him and beg him for help. She scrolled through her contacts, stopping at an all too familiar number. Taking a deep breath, aware that it was two forty in the morning, she pressed the call button and pressed the phone to her ear. It rang for a couple of minutes before a voice said hello.

"Dixon it's Lindsey, Lindsey Baxter."

_"Oh hello Princess, how are you?"_

She was silent for a minute. She knew getting involved with Dixon was bad business, once you were in there was no getting out of it. She knew she had to think carefully but she was desperate. She _needed _this more than anything_._

"Not good, I need — I need money,"

_"I knew you would, how much?"_

Lindsey bit her lower lip nervously, "enough so I don't have to worry about things."

_"Say a grand a week, is that enough?"_

"More than enough thank you."

_"You know what I'm expecting don't you?" _

"Yes."

_"And that's alright with you?"_

"Yes. I'm desperate, I'm doing this for Shane."

_"Right, I'll see you tomorrow lunchtime, you'll know where to go." _As he put the phone down she stared at the phone. Inside her stomach was flipping nervously and she knew she was making one big mistake but with nothing else, it was the last resort.

Shane woke up twice, once at three and then at five. After he woke at five, she stayed awake. She knew sleep wouldn't come easy, her mind haunted by the things she'd chosen to do in desperation, to raise her son the best she could in the circumstances she found herself in.

/

Today was careers day at school and if Lindsey was honest, she wasn't paying much attention to the teachers or the event itself. She just kept counting down the hours until she had to see Dixon.

"Curriculum Vitae is essentially a sales pitch except you're selling yourself. So accentuate the positives but don't lie. You will get found out."

Kyle Stack piped up, "How am I suppose to accentuate three d's and a u." A couple of the pupils in the class laughed except Lindsey. When the teacher wasn't looking she took her phone out of her pocket and found a text from Dixon. Making eye contact with Eleanor, she put her phone away deciding his text can wait.

"Yeah I agree it would agree if you did some work in the first place. But its all about tailoring your CV for the job you are applying for. So big up your interests rather than your individual grades in your case."

Chewing the end of her pen gently, she stared at the blank piece of paper and wondered what to write. She didn't even know what she wanted to do once she'd left school so to write a CV was proving quite difficult for her.

She was thankful when the bell rang to signal the end of the lesson. Placing her english book inside her school bag along with her pen, she pushed the bag onto her shoulder and walked out of the classroom. Following the others towards the changing room, she was slightly dreading PE. She wasn't the best at PE or netball.

Lindsey was Centre for the red team when she felt dizzy. Sitting down on the floor, she was aware of the girls surrounding her, questioning if she was alright. She nodded. She hated the feeling of dizziness but she was fine, she wasn't going to pass out!

The group began to make their way to the changing rooms when they spotted Martin in there. Lindsey freaked out but not as much as Sam who slapped him across the face. Standing in the corner as she got dressed, she was aware of how skinny she'd become recently.

Buttoning her shirt, she heard Mr Clarkson's voice; "Lindsey?"

"Sir?" She turned around, her tie in her hand. Putting it around her, she made eye contact with Tom, "What's the problem?"

"Lauren mentioned you were a little faint playing netball, is everything alright?"

"Yeah everything's fine," she put on her blazer and put her bag on her shoulder, "I didn't have breakfast and just felt a bit lightheaded. I'm fine honestly. Is that all, only I've really got to get on?"

Tom nodded but as she walked away couldn't help but think there was definitely something bothering Lindsey. He knew he was going to keep an eye on her and see if she got any better or worse.

/

Lunchtime came round quicker than Lindsey anticipated. Taking a deep breath, she left her bag inside her locker and sneaked out of school. She felt sick in the pit of her stomach, her breathing quickened and her palms became stickier.

Making her way into town, she knew where to go even if it had been months since she last went there. Swallowing hard as she walked down a passage way, she made her way to number twenty-six. Knocking on the door, she waited for someone to answer.

A few seconds later Dixon opened the door, "Hello Princess."

She smiled. He hadn't changed. He was still short and ginger and covered in ink. With a smile he led her into the house, glad that she was back where she belonged. As she glanced around the hallway, she knew there was no turning back. This was it.

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><p><strong>jottings<strong> / if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	5. CHAPTER V

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><p><strong>CHAPTER FIVE<strong>  
><em>sometimes I hide, sometimes I'm scared.<em>

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><p>It had been three weeks since Lindsey went back to Dixon, the place she hated but had no other alternative. Her behaviour had changed slightly, her coursework was never in and she was sometimes late for lesson.<p>

It wasn't all negative, she had some positives about working for Dixon. He was right, she could make anything up to a grand in a week. It was brilliant, she didn't have to worry about the gas running out or there been no nappies or food for Shane.

She stood in the toilets at school, reapplying her makeup. There was a large bruise on her cheek and her breath caught in her throat as she touched the bruise, applying foundation to make it less red. She wasn't surprised she'd been hurt really, violence was always a possibility in her line of work.

Feeling fresh, she left the bathroom and slowly walked towards her form room. She was five minutes late for registration, apologised and took a seat at the back of the classroom. Resting her head on the desk, she struggled to keep herself awake, having to pinch herself.

There was a knock on the classroom door and Lindsey brought her head up from the desk. She swallowed when Mrs Fisher asked if she could have a word with her. Feeling everybody's eyes on her, she nodded slowly and picked up her stuff.

Following Karen out of the classroom, Karen noticed how worried she looked and said gently, "Don't look so worried, your not in trouble."

When they reached the office, Lindsey folded her arms across her chest and looked at the floor. Karen told her to take a seat and she did, Karen sitting beside her. There was nothing spoken for a moment before Karen asked;

"If everything alright?"

"Yes Miss, why wouldn't it be?" She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"A couple of teachers have said that you've been late for class, your coursework hasn't been handed in and your grades have slipped."

She was silent, "are you in some sort of trouble? I've noticed a change in you Lindsey, I can help you but only if you talk."

"I'm fine," she chewed the corner of her lip, "can I go now please?" Reluctantly Karen agreed to let her leave. As she walked out of the office, Karen sighed wondering what was bothering Lindsey so much. She hoped she'd get to the bottom of it sooner rather than later.

/

Lindsey walked down the corridor on her way to Chemistry when Aiden grabbed the top of her arm, "we need to talk."

"We do?" She shrugged her arm free, "we're done talking Aiden, I'm busy!"

"I've heard a rumour, it's not true is it?"

Lindsey leant her back against the wall, folded her arms across her chest and smiled sweetly, "and what rumour would that be?"

He didn't reply and Lindsey began to walk away until a hand on her arm stopped her. "Look, if your struggling with Shane, I'll take him for a bit?"

"No!" She replied, "stop pretending you care about him! He's not your son remember? It's too late Aiden. We don't need you anymore."

"alright whatever you say, slag!" He muttered the slag remark but she still heard. Turning around she slammed him into the wall, hand on his throat; "what the fuck did you just say?"

"You heard! Every guy in this school knows what your doing!"

"I wouldn't have to if you weren't such an arsehole and actually provided for your son!"

He put his hand over hers, "with what?"

Before she had chance to reply Mr Mead came down the corridor. Seeing the commotion, he asked what an earth was going on.

"He's getting his fucking head knocked off!" Chris managed to calm Lindsey down enough to let Aiden go. As he walked off, she screamed it wasn't over and he'd better watch his back.

"What was that all about?" He stood next to Lindsey, noticing the bruise on the side of her face.

"Nothing! Why don't you just fuck off?" Chris' eyes went wide when he heard her language and told her they were going to see Mrs Fisher. Sitting back in the seat she'd sat in only twenty minutes previously, she cursed herself for swearing at Chris. He was only trying to help.

"Mr Mead tells me you got into a physical altercation with Aiden Scotcher."

She smirked, folded her arms across her chest; "he's a dick head, a complete utter moron."

"Lindsey!"

"What?" She glanced at Karen, "it's the truth! I can't stand him. If I knew he was here I'd never have enrolled!"

"Lindsey, Mr Mead also told me there's a few rumours circling about you. Are they true?"

"Fucks sake!" Standing up, Lindsey grabbed her bag and shouted; "yes it's true! Every single rumour about me been a whore is true!"

"Lindsey wait!" It was too late as the door slammed shut behind her. Karen sighed. Lindsey Baxter was proving a handful already and she'd only been here two minutes.

/

Over the weeks she'd changed, personality wise and figure. She'd look in the mirror some nights and find bruises staring back at her. Bruises on her stomach, top of her arms and thighs. She put her clothes back on, not forgetting what outfit her client liked her to dress in.

A little top, a leather red skirt, heels.

She swallowed when she heard the doorbell ring and went to open it. On the doorstep was her client. Giving him a kiss, she invited him inside and closed the door with a smile. Taking him into the living room, she closed the door behind them and smirked.

"So Roger, what is it this week?" she swallowed forcing a smile onto her face. Roger was an overweight, forty-year old who was using Lindsey as a shag when his wife didn't want sex. Kissing him again, this time harder, she unzipped his belt and licked her lips.

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><p><strong>jottings<strong> / if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	6. CHAPTER VI

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><p><strong>CHAPTER SIX<strong>  
><em>we bring 'em both together<em>

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><p>After Roger left half an hour later, she collapsed on the floor in tears. She hated been a slag, she hated sleeping around but it was the only thing that could bring money into the house, money for Shane and his upbringing.<p>

Adding to the line of cuts that were already on her wrists, she tried getting rid of the dirtiness inside. Taking a bath, she submerged herself underneath the water and for a moment, debated about ending it all. After all Shane would be better of without her, a mother who took drugs and slept with men to provide some sort of stableness in their lives.

She was stopped from doing some destructive and stupid by the ring of the doorbell. Sighing, Lindsey wondered who it was who'd come to visit her. She wasn't expecting anymore clients tonight. Getting out of the bath, she wrapped a towel around her before she opened the door.

She got the shock of her life when a lad in a balaclava pushed his way into the house, "I want the drugs and the money!"

She took him into the living room and said, "it's all there!" Not satisfied with the amount of money on the table or the cocaine, he grabbed her by the throat and pushed her into the wall; "the fucking money bitch, all of it."

"That's all there is," she protested. Her towel came away slightly exposing her breast. He grabbed her breast and squeezed it; "tell me where _all_ the money is or I'll take something else."

With a shrug, she looked him in the eye and dropped the towel. His eyes roamed up and down her naked body and he licked his lips; "you bad girl! I like a bad girl." Grabbing a fistful of her hair he pulled her to the floor, "now show me what you can do whore!"

/

She stood in the girls bathroom at school once again trying to cover up the bruises with foundation. She sighed when she realised it wasn't working, the bruises were still purple looking and noticeable. She gave up after that trying to hide them, she just knew she needed some pretty good excuses now.

Lindsey sighed, re-adjusted her tie and walked out of the bathroom. As she walked along the corridor in a world of her own, she wasn't aware of Karen walking towards her. Colliding with Karen Lindsey dropped her back, the contents spilling out onto the floor.

Lindsey went to grab the small bag of cocaine but Karen reached it before her, "my office now!"

"Are you dealing drugs on school premises?" She crossed her legs and remind silent. Other than exclusion what else could Karen do to her? She smirked slightly and answered back;

"Yeah didn't you know? I've been selling them to year seven's telling them its sherbet."

"Lindsey this is a serious matter!" Lindsey made eye contact with Karen and knew she was only trying to help her. Lindsey knew she couldn't tell her anything, she'd only get social services involved and that would be Shane taken off her (and she loved Shane, he was her little boy!)

"I don't understand the big deal personally, it's only cocaine. I bet you've done it before," there was a pause before Karen answered;

"Lindsey I know there's something wrong but you've got to trust me okay? I can only help you _if_ you let me in."

"Will you shut up!" Lindsey shot back, "you're obsessed with the fact something must be wrong with me. Everything is fine, I just grew up and realised that life's a bitch and nobody's gonna save you except yourself."

There was a pause on Karen's side, "you're in trouble. You're constantly coming into school covered in bruises, I've seen the cuts on your wrists. I want to help you Lindsey, don't push me away."

"I said I'm fine!" The slam of the door closing ended the conversation between Lindsey and Karen. Karen sighed. Lindsey was proving harder to break than she thought. She just wished Lindsey would trust her, she wanted to help her.

/

She knelt in front of the toilet throwing up blood. Everything had gone wrong. Word had got to Dixon that she'd been robbed off the drugs and the money and he'd come round to hers to "sort her out" and make sure she didn't make the same mistake again.

When he finished she ended up been covered in blood. An open cut on her forehead, one on her cheek, bruises around her neck where he'd grabbed her and throttled her. There were a number of bruises on her body, pain in her chest from a handful of broken ribs (she guessed)

Violence was the only way Dixon knew to keep hold of his girls. Yes Lindsey may have been his princess but that didn't stop her from getting battered when she crossed him (not that she did, it was an accident.)

Sobbing her heart out on the bathroom floor, she heard Shane's screams from the other room. With one hand on the toilet and the other on the wall, she pulled herself up and limped into the other room. Picking up Shane, she held him closely and whispered in his ear that it was all going to be okay.

Putting on her coat, her breath catching in her throat at how tender her ribs were; she put on Shane's coat and began to walk away. It was cold and dark and Lindsey couldn't stop the tears that rolled down her cheek and onto Shane as she held him tightly into her chest.

She found herself outside Karen's. She took a deep breath, rang the door bell and waited. She wondered why she'd taken her advice, what was it about Mrs Fisher that could help Lindsey? As the light of the patio came on and the door opened, Karen looked at the youngster on her doorstep;

"I need your help Miss, please help me."

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><p><strong>jottings<strong> / if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


	7. CHAPTER VII

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><p><strong>CHAPTER SEVEN<strong>  
><em>I looked away, then I looked back.<em>

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><p>"What happened to you?" it's the first thing Karen asks when she sees Lindsey. It's not every day a student — a battered one at that — turns up on your doorstep asking for help, especially after denying they needed help for so long.<p>

"I lost — I lost a lot of money and this is the consequence," Lindsey whispered and made eye contact with Karen. Karen invites her inside and Lindsey feels, for a moment that it was a bad idea to come here. She'd want to call the police but Lindsey didn't want them getting involved.

Shane's asleep on the settee, surrounded by cushions so he won't fall off (not that he will but Lindsey's protective over her baby) She's sat at the table absent-mindedly staring at the wall whilst Karen's stood at the sink filling a bowl up with warm water.

"Why me?"

"You said I could trust you," there was a pause as Karen brought the bowl to the table. Sitting in front of Lindsey, she dabbed a cotton wool into the water and warned Lindsey it might sting a little. She was surprised that the youngster didn't flinch but this was a girl who'd spent the last few months selling her body for cash.

Lindsey had probably become immune to pain.

"Will you tell me what's been going on?"

"You don't have to clean me up you know, I've done it myself plenty of times." Karen ignored Lindsey's comment and waited for her to tell her what had been going on. Why she'd changed so much in the space of a couple of weeks.

"I'm not going to be able to get out of this one am I?" Karen shook her head and Lindsey took a deep breath before she began to talk; "my parents and I — well mainly my father don't like each other. When I got pregnant, he threw me out and gave me some money. It didn't last forever."

As she was talking, finally opening up to Karen about her problems, Karen cleaned away at the dried blood that had gathered on her cheek, "A few years ago I had a friend, an older friend who said if I ever needed anything, he'd help. I ran out of money, out of gas. Shane was running out of nappies and formula and I grew desperate, I got in touch with this old friend who said I could make a lot of money."

"By selling drugs?"

Lindsey nodded, "selling drugs and my body. It worked though, since doing it I've never had to worry about running low on nappies and formula or running out of gas or been behind on the rent. It's just —"

"Harder than you thought?"

"I can't deal with it Miss, sleeping with men for money. It makes me disgusted and ashamed so I cut because it gives me a temporary release."

"And the bruises?"

"That's them," she pauses for a second. She knows how it looks. She's a whore driven to desperate measures to provide for her son, the child she hadn't planned but who she'd been left alone to raise; "not every client hits me, it's only a select few. They get carried away if you get what I mean."

Karen put down the cotton wool and looked at Lindsey. She was just broken, torn between right and wrong for the sake of her son.

"What happened to Shane's father? Is he not around?"

Lindsey began to laugh; "Oh he's around. Aiden Scotcher is Shane's father, yes I know what was I thinking? He denies Shane's his. He's convinced that sometime during our very short relationship I cheated. I didn't but Shane and I are better off without him."

"He won't help out?"

Lindsey shook her head. She loved Aiden, of course she did, he was the first person she ever went out with. It was just a shame that he was an idiot. How different could her life be if she'd chosen to stay with him and they'd had a good relationship?

"This cut looks like it needs stitching," Lindsey grabbed hold of Karen's hand and shook her head, "please Miss, no hospital, no doctor's."

"But—" She couldn't finish her sentence as Lindsey cut her off, "promise me you won't take me to the hospital. Please. The doctor's will take one look at me and probably contact the police and I don't want them getting involved."

"Don't you think you should?"

Lindsey nodded; "yeah I probably should but I won't. There's no way I can grass on him is there? Look he did this because he thought I'd crossed him. It was a misunderstanding and he still wanted me dead. If, if I grass on him to the coppers I'll be dead with my throat slit in a canal somewhere."

"Don't speak like that!"

"It's the truth. Do you think I enjoy the reality of knowing that I'll never escape? He'll hurt Shane if I try and leave. Shane doesn't need to be punished because of the choices I've made in life. You understand me don't you?"

"Yes," once Karen had finished cleaning her up Lindsey thanked her. She still didn't think Karen should've done it. She had after all cleaned up her own blood and cuts since she joined this profession. She bit her lower lip hard when Karen asked what she was going to do next.

She shrugged her shoulders, "haven't thought about it. I guess I'm going to move out of town, start afresh somewhere and hope nobody finds out who I am and where I'm running from." She laughed nervously, frightened and uncertain about her future now she'd opened up to Karen, after all what would you do?

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><p><strong>jottings<strong> / if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review:3


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